Masking Emotions
Garrett is my youngest brother. I have two (not including my three soon-to-be step siblings). Connor is the other. Connor and I have spent much of Garrett's young life pestering, mocking, and abusing him. I am not proud of these things and there have been many moments of love, but the instances of hurt have inflicted what sometimes appears to be irreparable damage.
When he was younger, Garrett was far from the easiest child to deal with. As my parents progressed into their most uncomfortable years together, separated, and then navigated through their divorce, Garrett acted as the beacon for the tumultuous emotions harbored between them. He publicly expressed the rage, the confusion, the sadness, and the pain we all felt. As a result, he was overly nurtured by my mother and maybe overly punished by my father- a feud about parenting that only exasperated the situation. And in the end, Connor and I resented Garrett and used him from time to time as our personal outlet for our own frustrations.
As our gutted family has regained its lost pieces and contentedness, Garrett has grown older and out of what seemed to be his never ending terrible twos and Connor and I have waned in our mockery. He channels his energies into sports with a focus I've seen in few other people. His impressive athletic abilities first stemmed from a desire to prove himself since he has always been small for his age and had little power when around Connor or I, but this determination has since evolved into a love- maybe even obsession for sports.
Despite his less-than-picture-perfect childhood, Garrett is growing up to become a fine young lad. He is smart, athletic, caring, and thoughtful. It is sad for me to see, though, that the scars inflicted upon him during his younger years may never fade. He easily gets self conscious and masks his positive emotions- something he learned to do because positivity was rarely rewarded. One of the only emotions that was ever acknowledged or reacted upon by the rest of us were his fits of rage- emotions that once appeared frequently but now break through with full force only when he is overtly provoked.
This picture is special to me because I know my little brother loves my attentions even though he doesn't quite know how to express his jointed happiness with me, and thats what this image captures. We were hiking through the beautiful vegetation-laden mountains of Maui and came across a very large leaf. I goofily laid it upon his head and proceeded to make funny faces and exaggerate my photographing poses in front of him while cooing nonsense like "You're a leaf on the wind! A tiger! A yedi! Dance like a fairy! Dance monkey! Dance!" I knew he wanted to laugh, to be a part of my dorkiness but he didn't quite know what to do. Instead, I only received his bashfully oppressed smile. It's interesting how, on anybody else, this reaction would cause me to turn away without a further thought, but on Garrett it evokes from me what a broad grin and giggling would. I know that this reaction of his is more often than not the equivalent of laughing out loud and it causes me to get even more foolish.
He is getting better at showing his emotions and so am I. Since I moved away from home I more openly express my love for him because I miss him. He quietly accepts my pestering- pestering that was once doused in hostility but now is fringed with sarcastic adoration. I hope that slowly but surly this little ogre's onion layers will peel away and reveal the wonderful pieces that he is truly made of to the world.
When he was younger, Garrett was far from the easiest child to deal with. As my parents progressed into their most uncomfortable years together, separated, and then navigated through their divorce, Garrett acted as the beacon for the tumultuous emotions harbored between them. He publicly expressed the rage, the confusion, the sadness, and the pain we all felt. As a result, he was overly nurtured by my mother and maybe overly punished by my father- a feud about parenting that only exasperated the situation. And in the end, Connor and I resented Garrett and used him from time to time as our personal outlet for our own frustrations.
As our gutted family has regained its lost pieces and contentedness, Garrett has grown older and out of what seemed to be his never ending terrible twos and Connor and I have waned in our mockery. He channels his energies into sports with a focus I've seen in few other people. His impressive athletic abilities first stemmed from a desire to prove himself since he has always been small for his age and had little power when around Connor or I, but this determination has since evolved into a love- maybe even obsession for sports.
Despite his less-than-picture-perfect childhood, Garrett is growing up to become a fine young lad. He is smart, athletic, caring, and thoughtful. It is sad for me to see, though, that the scars inflicted upon him during his younger years may never fade. He easily gets self conscious and masks his positive emotions- something he learned to do because positivity was rarely rewarded. One of the only emotions that was ever acknowledged or reacted upon by the rest of us were his fits of rage- emotions that once appeared frequently but now break through with full force only when he is overtly provoked.
This picture is special to me because I know my little brother loves my attentions even though he doesn't quite know how to express his jointed happiness with me, and thats what this image captures. We were hiking through the beautiful vegetation-laden mountains of Maui and came across a very large leaf. I goofily laid it upon his head and proceeded to make funny faces and exaggerate my photographing poses in front of him while cooing nonsense like "You're a leaf on the wind! A tiger! A yedi! Dance like a fairy! Dance monkey! Dance!" I knew he wanted to laugh, to be a part of my dorkiness but he didn't quite know what to do. Instead, I only received his bashfully oppressed smile. It's interesting how, on anybody else, this reaction would cause me to turn away without a further thought, but on Garrett it evokes from me what a broad grin and giggling would. I know that this reaction of his is more often than not the equivalent of laughing out loud and it causes me to get even more foolish.
He is getting better at showing his emotions and so am I. Since I moved away from home I more openly express my love for him because I miss him. He quietly accepts my pestering- pestering that was once doused in hostility but now is fringed with sarcastic adoration. I hope that slowly but surly this little ogre's onion layers will peel away and reveal the wonderful pieces that he is truly made of to the world.
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